A few days ago we realized that we had only 24 performances to go and decided to do a Father Martin Illness-of-the-Night Alphabetical Countdown.
Yes, yes, YES! We know that there are 26 letters in the alphabet. We’re just a little addled from the heat.
Y’see – during the second act Father Martin gets ill and falls down during Yule and continues to deteriorate for the rest of the show. His illness is never specified so we supply the subtext each evening. He has had a wide variety of complaints this summer, most of them grotesque and of a blatantly sexual nature (or gastric – sex and shit are the foundations of Comedy).
So anyway we started the alphabetical countdown on Monday. The Illness-of-the-Night Committee consists of me, Lindsey Lou McKee (Dame Coleman), Pyro Stephanie, Michael Murray (The Good Pilot Fernando), and whoever happens to wander by.
Monday the Father had Anthrax (at least that’s what we think the white powder was).
“B” was a hotly debated letter on Tuesday. Entries included Botulism and Bronchitis, but I ended up with a Broken Heart. Poor Father Martin will never love again.
Wednesday I was afflicted with Carbuncles, a nasty skin disease common in the 16th century involving oozing pustules.
Last night we considered Delirium Tremens, Diphtheria, and visiting alum Clark Nicholson helpfully suggested Dropsy. But the good Father just ended up Drunk.
Flat Feet or flatulence, giantism, gluttony(Father Martin eats all the colonists),gonorrhea, hypochondria or hookworms, imbecility or ichthyomania,jaundice,keratitis,lasciviousness just to name a few......
ReplyDeleteNow a whole lot of Colonists are chiming in with suggestions. For "F" we debated flatulence, flu, fibromyalgia, face/foot fungus, flat feet, farmer's lung, anal fissures, or perhaps the Father was Faking it. It wasn't until I was standing around on stage during Arrival that it hit me.
ReplyDeleteI was Fat.
The Dame put me on a water diet which accounts for the weakness and passing out.
When you get to R, please have restless leg syndrome. It would be too funny!
ReplyDeleteLiz Mills
Please keep us informed of your illness-tonight was H? We do worry about your health
ReplyDeleteAfter Fat was Gout, followed by Horny. Wednesday the Father was Insane, Thursday an awful case of Jock Itch.
ReplyDeleteThe suffering never ends...
K - My Knickers Were in a Twist, I just couldn't cope.
ReplyDeleteL - Lycanthropy. Werewolf? There wolf! Grrrr!
M - Mad Cow! Mad Cow! Mooooooo, dammit!
N - Narcolepsy. Wake me when it's over.
O - I was orgasmic.
ReplyDeleteP - I forget. Jeez...
Q - in a last minute inspiration we realized that the Father was addicted to Qualudes.
R - Rabies. It was a full moon and many colonists were transforming in to werewolves so I fit right in.
S - In a rare bit of period appropriateness I had scurvy.
T - Tourette's Syndrome. &%#)(@!